From a Play-Based Childhood to a Screen-Based Childhood: How to Find a Healthy Balance?
Childhood and parenting are definitely not the same as they were a few years ago. My childhood memories are filled with adventures in nature and outdoor play. When I was a child, those experiences meant well-being, laughter, time with friends, and relaxation. Today, as a child development professional, I see the incredible value these activities had for our development.
I remember afternoons and evenings in my backyard, with a glass jar in hand, looking for fireflies. Being outside, waiting patiently, working on tolerance and motor coordination, trying to catch those flickers of light. Or gathering with my friends to make mud and create small “artworks” to sell. It was a full sensory experience, getting our hands and whole bodies dirty, developing our creativity and motor skills.
With just water, dirt, and watercolors, we made ashtrays, coasters, and signs that we sold to our parents, even setting up small stalls to sell to neighbors passing by. This type of play was fundamental for the development of our executive functions, as it taught us to create a long-term plan with a clear goal: earning money to buy ice cream. We learned to manage money, calculate prices, and give the correct change. Additionally, we developed social skills by interacting with adults to sell our products, learning to communicate effectively and persuasively. This experience taught us to achieve what we wanted independently, without relying on an adult to buy it for us. In doing so, we cultivated self-sufficiency and independence, essential life skills.
I remember car trips, playing “I spy” or looking for letters on license plates. We also took turns naming animals, saying names that started with the letter A, or naming things in different categories. These games were not only fun but also worked our memory and creativity, fostering tolerance and helping us combat the boredom of long trips. I have a very vivid memory of my dad singing at the top of his lungs in the car while we were on vacation, creating emotional memories and deep connections.
When I was a child, we only had one family television in the living room, and we had to take turns with the remote. If we didn’t like what was on, we could change the channel, but the channels were limited. I grew up in an era without cell phones, with a family landline. Calling a friend meant talking to a family member first, which strengthened our social skills. I remember the nerves when dialing the phone, hoping it wasn’t their mom or dad who answered, or even worse, the brother I liked, while trying to sound as polite and calm as possible.
Eventually, a computer arrived, a big bulky machine in the living room that we all had to take turns using. The internet connection interfered with the phone line, so the time we could spend online was limited. And who doesn’t remember the distinctive noise you heard when picking up the phone while someone was using the internet?
How different childhood is today, where every child seems to have their own phone or tablet. The entertainment options are endless, and videos play one after another, making it increasingly difficult to pull away from the screen. Both children and adults spend more and more hours sitting or still, absorbed in a digital world.
Many say we are moving from a play-based childhood, like the one we had, to a screen-based childhood. But also, being a parent today is not the same as before. I was lucky to have a mom who waited for me at home every day when I came back from school. Today, many families need both parents to work full-time to make ends meet.
Being a parent is wonderful but also very difficult. We come home exhausted after 8 or 9 hours of intense and demanding work, and we still have to take care of the household and family: preparing meals, helping with the kids’ homework, and following bedtime routines. This becomes even harder when we don’t have a support network, when we don’t have our mom, grandparents, or uncles and aunts nearby to help us. It’s a lot, we feel overwhelmed and tired. And there, always accessible, tempting, and addictive, is the phone.
We adults are also shifting from a socially-based life to a screen-based life.
In the 1970s, Dr. Edward Tronick conducted a groundbreaking study known as the Still Face Experiment at the University of Massachusetts. This experiment examined the impact of emotional disconnection on infants. During the study, caregivers were instructed to maintain a neutral and unresponsive facial expression, creating a “still face” devoid of emotional engagement while interacting with their infants. The results were striking. Infants, who are highly attuned to social cues, initially attempted to regain their caregivers’ attention through gestures, vocalizations, and facial expressions learned from prior interactions. However, when faced with the unresponsive still face, they exhibited signs of distress, confusion, and negative emotions.
Does this sound familiar? This phenomenon has a clear parallel in “phubbing.” “Phubbing” refers to the act of ignoring someone in favor of using one’s phone, causing emotional disconnection in real-world interactions. Like in the Still Face Experiment, when children try to get the attention of their parents who are absorbed in their phones and receive no response, they can experience feelings of abandonment, frustration, and disconnection.
If John Lennon wrote “Beautiful Boy” today, perhaps instead of saying “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans,” he would say, “Life is what happens when you’re busy looking at your phone.”
The changes in recent years have been so profound and rapid that we often don’t have enough time to process them. It’s wonderful to evolve as a society, to create new technologies that help us cure more diseases and allow us to feel close to our loved ones even when we are physically far away. However, I believe we are in a transitional phase where we are still trying to understand how to best use these technological advances.
When cars were first invented, the increase in fatal accidents was alarming. However, instead of stopping the use of cars, we recognized their enormous value to society and focused on making them safer. We developed tools like seat belts, airbags, and traffic regulations that allowed us to enjoy their benefits while minimizing the risks.
Modern technology should follow a similar path. It has brought incredible advancements and transformed our lives in unimaginable ways. However, it has also introduced new challenges, such as emotional disconnection and excessive screen time. Like with cars, we should not reject technology but learn to use it more balanced and safely. We need to develop strategies that allow us to reap its benefits without sacrificing human connections and the sensory experiences crucial for our development and well-being. And for those of us who are parents in this digital age, the challenge is even greater. Navigating this new technological landscape and finding the right balance between the digital and real worlds can be very difficult.
At Just Old Enough, we deeply value the importance of sensory experiences in child development and genuine human connections for everyone, both children and adults. These are two things that are significantly lost when we spend too much time in front of screens. In a world where screens are omnipresent, finding a balance becomes essential to preserve the quality of our relationships and our general well-being. But how do we do it?
We don’t aim to promote a screen-free world, as it is not realistic. Nor do we want to point fingers at parents who are doing their best in this technological world. As a mother, I understand how difficult it is and the guilt that comes with it. If I give my child the phone, I feel like a bad mother because it doesn’t help their development, but I’m exhausted and don’t know what else to do. If I let them play online, I expose them to violence and more screen time, but if I don’t, they might be left out of their friend group and face bullying. So, what do we do?
I believe there are two very important keys: first, educating and providing information; second, building a community. Supporting, accompanying, and helping each other is essential.
At Just Old Enough, our goal is precisely that. We will soon offer a masterclass where we will delve deeper into these topics. We want to empower parents, providing them with tools and knowledge so they feel confident that they are doing the best for their children. Stay tuned!
By: Clara Zambruno